May 2011
September 2009Today I am bittersweet! Like the chocolate in my Starbucks coffee....
This coffee I am drinking probably has more calories and sugar in it than I should have in my whole daily allowance, but yet it makes me feel so good! It tastes good! It is warm and rich and is going to help me make it through this day.
But yet...It makes me feel so bad. I can physically feel my pants getting tighter with each sip and I wonder if I calculated the amount of insulin Kaci would have to take to drink this one cup what"magic number" I would come up with. Well, let's just say, I would rather not know.
Today is the last day of school. I am unlike most of the mom's out there. Most mom's can't wait for school to start. They can't wait for summer to be over so that they can have their "me time." (if you are one of those moms- I don't judge....to each his own)
I, on the other hand, am the mom who can not wait for summer to get here! Often I think I am more excited than my own children as the last week of school rolls around. I am the mom who cries more than the kids the last week of summer just thinking about the first day of school. I do not like for my children to be away from me- even though I know they need to be. I know they need to become independent, responsible adults...able to speak for themselves and live without me, because- unfortunately, I will not always be around.
So - I know I am a little "all over the place" with this post, but I promise there is a point to it all. As you might have guessed already ...today is the last day of school. YEAH! I am so happy! NO more alarm clock, no more morning rush, no more homework, no more projects, no more reading logs! YIPEE!! No more being without my kiddos for 8 hours a day. Summer also means no more work for me! DOUBLE YIPEE!!
However, with this summer also come BIG changes for next school year. The budget cuts affected several people at our school this year. It affected several teachers, office aids, library aids and I am sure- even more that I am not aware of.
Most importantly (and most devastating to our WHOLE FAMILY) it affected our school nurse, Mrs. Cindy Scott. She will not be returning to our campus next year. Yep- there it is!! Sucker punch to the gut!
There are no words to describe how I feel about this.
I am going to keep typing- as there is so much going through my mind right now. I am not sure if it will come out in a way that any of you will be able to understand, but here it goes.
I met Cindy 2 years ago about 3 weeks after Kaci was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. We had gone up to the school to get a 504 in place for the start of 2nd grade. On that day we met with the principal, the assistant principal, the school counselor and the nurse. I was a nervous wreck. I spoke of Kaci's insulin ratios and her schedule....
I talked a lot that day- I knew very little.
I was still new at all of this myself. I was trying to tell someone how to take care of my daughter while she was at school all day- when I barely knew how to take care of her myself! I remember Cindy taking notes on a clipboard and smiling the whole time. She told me that day that she would take care of Kaci- that Kaci would be fine. I left that office- and I will admit- I didn't believe it. I didn't think that anyone would be able to take care of Kaci. At this point, I wasn't even sure that I was going to be able to take care of Kaci. I went home and cried! I thought about home schooling, I thought about a lot of things. In the weeks and months ahead I continued to cry and be sad and feel sorry for all of us. I hated the hand we had been dealt....why Kaci? WHY!? She was only 7, she was so young, she was so shy, she was such a good girl, she was my baby...the list goes on and on and on....I lost over 25 pounds over the course of the year. I quit my job. I cried on a daily basis. I struggled to get out of bed more often than not. I had several panic attacks - calling both Clint and my parents on several occasions unable to breath.
That school year I was at the school every day at Kaci's lunch time. I quit my part time job at the pre-school so that I could be at the school. For the first few weeks I gave Kaci her shot after lunch. She liked to count to 5, then poke, then count to 5, remove the needle and shake her arm.
I did it everyday at home and everyday at lunch. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, poke.....1, 2, 3, 4, 5 pull out and shake, shake, shake her arm!
After a few weeks- she agreed to let Mrs. Scott try. So, Kaci would sit in my lap and Mrs. Scott would count to 5, poke, count to 5, remove and shake, shake, shake her arm. Just like Mom!
After many months of this....I started sitting outside of the nurse's office and Kaci and Mrs. Scott would do it alone. At this point-I knew that Cindy could take care of my baby. I knew that she would make sure that she was safe- yet I continued to come to school everyday! I continued to call her (sometimes several times a day) just to check and see if Kaci had come down feeling high or low. She never made me feel silly. She never made me feel like I was bothering her. She never made me feel anything but grateful. Grateful that I had someone so wonderful and caring to take care of my daughter everyday at school without fail.
This past year, Kaci and Bailey were supposed to attend a new school. A school that is much closer to our house. I requested that they be allowed to stay at Teravista. I was DENIED. I appealed to the Assistant Super Intendent. We did not want to lose Cindy as our school nurse. Our request was granted!- I was able to go back to work part time at the pre-school. It was good for me. Good for my mind and for my body. I was able to give back to families what Cindy and so many people at Kaci and Bailey's school had given to me. I loved and protected a group of eight 4 year olds all year long. I hugged them when they got boo- boos on the playground, I shared stories with them and I listened to theirs. I gave my mind some much needed rest from worrying about Kaci and her diabetes all day long.
However, I still called Cindy on a daily basis to check on Kaci's numbers! So much so - that before long Cindy recognized my number on caller ID and would often answer the phone with Kaci's blood sugar reading for the day! LOL! I didn't need the formality of a "Hello!"
So....picture this....RING, RING, RING.....126! or 186! or 264! I loved it! I appreciated it!
So- this brings me to the title of this post....
“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.”
Of all the ways to say it....this is the best that I have found. I know they are not my "original words" but they say it all.
Cindy- You mean the world to me, to Kaci and to the rest of our family.
Everyday in your office, the "medicine" that saved my daughter, could also kill my daughter. In your office (on many, occasions) a juice box and a roll of sweet tarts saved my daughter's life. In your office, my daughter shed her blood everyday. You have kept logs and logs of Kaci's daily numbers. You have given Kaci too many shots to count and more love than I ever expected from a school nurse.
Type 1 Diabetes has lived in your office for the last two years and you have lived in our hearts. We are going to miss you so much! Thank you for all that you have done for us the past two years. We love you!
In the happy moments PRAISE God.
In the difficult moments SEEK God.
In the quiet moments TRUST God.
In EVERY moment THANK God.
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