Who gets it??

Lately I am feeling so exhausted...to the point of feeling sick. I was up last night unable to sleep, since I had changed Kaci's dinner ratio from 7 to 6 1/2. I checked her before bed and she was 153. A perfect number for her to go to sleep at and it had been 3 hours since her shot. But- I knew better. At about 12:30 she came out of her room to meet me on the couch feeling low.

Prick.
Squeeze.
BEEEP!
She was 68.

So, a juice box and 2 peanut butter pretzels later we waited 15 minutes and tried again.

Prick.
Squeeze.
BEEEEEP!
112

Laid down to worry that she would drop again and she came to get me about 2- she had had a bad dream. So I squeezed in bed with her and held on the edge for dear life! Woke up myself at 5 with an awful stomach ache and never went back to sleep. Got the kids up at 6:30 for first day back to school since the winter break.

Prick.
Squeeze.
BEEEEEEP!
218!

I worried all night after the first low that she would go low again....and then she wakes up on the MOON! UGH~

Now I am home and it is quiet and I hate Diabetes! I feel like it takes so much out of me and sometimes I think I let it.

But this diabetes seems to have me in constant panic and worry mode. Sometimes it is worse than others. I have good days and months and then I have bad days and months. The worry that I feel when I lay down at night is ALWAYS there and then when she comes to me with a low.....it just haunts me all night. I feel like it takes so much out of me....the worry....and the figuring....and the counting....and I am soooo sick of the shots. So sick of pricking her finger. So tired of even having to watch her do it. It hurts me....hard to explain.

I feel like I am crumbling. Then I feel guilty- for it is not me that has to take all the shots and pricks. It is Kaci and I rarely hear her complain.Just so tired of shots and pricks ....tired of doing them...tired of watching her do them.

Tired of counting and adding and dividing and subtracting!!!

I promised the kids I would take them for a treat after school today- but the guilt kicks in because it doesn't much feel like a treat when she has to have a shot for it. ACK!

Sometimes I feel like so many people don't get it! You don't just take a shot and not worry until next meal...it is constant. It is never ending.

I hate it when people say they understand.....unless they have it themselves....truly love someone with diabetes....someone very close to them, in their family or...their child....I just don't think they do.

I think the ones who have no experience with it ...the ones who say they don't know how I feel, but they would do anything to change it.... I think they are the ones who understand! They get that it is so difficult to deal -with that unless you are dealing with it...YOU DON'T GET IT!

Unless you lay in bed at night worried that your daughter/son's sugar will go low in the night while you lay asleep in your room. Unless you make your child's finger bleed 6-8 times a day. Unless you give your child 5-6 shots a day....unless you visit the endocrinologists office every 3 months, have blood work drawn every 6 months....count every crumb that they put in their mouth...

You don't get it!