"The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you."

Last night after I tucked the kids into bed, I went downstairs to fold some laundry. When I came back upstairs to put it all away I heard sniffles coming from Kaci's room. When I asked her what she was crying about she answered, "What I always cry about mom!" This could only mean one thing....DIABETES!

I hate that word- every letter in it! I also hate the words: pancreas, insulin, carbohydrates, glucose meter, needles, high, low, ketones and so many more!

So, I laid down by her and she continued to talk. She told me all she wanted for Christmas (other than her hot pink laptop :) was for her diabetes to go away. I told her that was much too big of a wish for Santa and the elves. She told me that she really already knew that but she has been wishing on lots of stars every night. She told me that, in fact, she had just wished on a star before I came into her room. Kaci has a huge window in her room- but the blinds were drawn shut- so I asked her if she had gotten up to look out the window. She replied with, " No mom! I don't have to see the star to wish on it. I know there are millions of them up in the sky!" It breaks my heart.

There are a million stars up in that sky....there are also a million things I would do if I could just make her diabetes go away. Maybe a million and one....there is nothing I wouldn't do to change it for her. But for now- there is nothing I can do. Mothers are supposed to be able to fix the problems....the fact that I can't fix this for her is a hard "pill" to swallow.

Lots of times when I wake up and grab "Kaci's bag" in the morning to check her sugar, "the pill" gets stuck in my throat. If her blood sugar and mood are good- often times "the pill" goes down. But, if the blood sugar is high or low- or she is not in the mood for her morning shot- "the pill" will stay lodged in my throat all day!