My babies!

My babies!
Catch up on our families daily adventures, learn more about our dreams and experience life with diabetes through our eyes! Grab a cup of something warm and read on to learn more about my Random Thoughts....

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Who gets it??

Lately I am feeling so the point of feeling sick. I was up last night unable to sleep, since I had changed Kaci's dinner ratio from 7 to 6 1/2. I checked her before bed and she was 153. A perfect number for her to go to sleep at and it had been 3 hours since her shot. But- I knew better. At about 12:30 she came out of her room to meet me on the couch feeling low.

She was 68.

So, a juice box and 2 peanut butter pretzels later we waited 15 minutes and tried again.


Laid down to worry that she would drop again and she came to get me about 2- she had had a bad dream. So I squeezed in bed with her and held on the edge for dear life! Woke up myself at 5 with an awful stomach ache and never went back to sleep. Got the kids up at 6:30 for first day back to school since the winter break.


I worried all night after the first low that she would go low again....and then she wakes up on the MOON! UGH~

Now I am home and it is quiet and I hate Diabetes! I feel like it takes so much out of me and sometimes I think I let it.

But this diabetes seems to have me in constant panic and worry mode. Sometimes it is worse than others. I have good days and months and then I have bad days and months. The worry that I feel when I lay down at night is ALWAYS there and then when she comes to me with a just haunts me all night. I feel like it takes so much out of me....the worry....and the figuring....and the counting....and I am soooo sick of the shots. So sick of pricking her finger. So tired of even having to watch her do it. It hurts me....hard to explain.

I feel like I am crumbling. Then I feel guilty- for it is not me that has to take all the shots and pricks. It is Kaci and I rarely hear her complain.Just so tired of shots and pricks ....tired of doing them...tired of watching her do them.

Tired of counting and adding and dividing and subtracting!!!

I promised the kids I would take them for a treat after school today- but the guilt kicks in because it doesn't much feel like a treat when she has to have a shot for it. ACK!

Sometimes I feel like so many people don't get it! You don't just take a shot and not worry until next is constant. It is never ending.

I hate it when people say they understand.....unless they have it themselves....truly love someone with diabetes....someone very close to them, in their family or...their child....I just don't think they do.

I think the ones who have no experience with it ...the ones who say they don't know how I feel, but they would do anything to change it.... I think they are the ones who understand! They get that it is so difficult to deal -with that unless you are dealing with it...YOU DON'T GET IT!

Unless you lay in bed at night worried that your daughter/son's sugar will go low in the night while you lay asleep in your room. Unless you make your child's finger bleed 6-8 times a day. Unless you give your child 5-6 shots a day....unless you visit the endocrinologists office every 3 months, have blood work drawn every 6 months....count every crumb that they put in their mouth...

You don't get it!

1 comment:

Jess said...

Thinking of you guys, Andrea. My heart breaks for you...that's not pity, just wishing you guys didn't have this particular stress in your life.