Today at Kaci's Holiday party she was allowed to have 2 marshmallows, 3 strawberries, 5 pretzel sticks, a bite of cake and a very small amount of chocolate dipping sauce. All while I watched the other kids shovel their faces full of sugary, crappy goodness!When I checked her sugar (granted her lunch insulin had only been working for about 45 minutes) Her meter said HI! Not like, " Hi - how are you doing? " BUT rather HI- like HIGH.... which in meter language means a blood sugar reading of over 600! (It should be between 80-160)
We washed her hands and rechecked and the second time it registered as 579. That is the highest is has EVER been...it wasn't even that high when we were in the hospital! I assume the diet coke I ordered with her lunch was not a diet. I ALWAYS try it to make sure- but today I didn't. So an extra shot at school- and then another extra shot at home and we finally got it down to 151 about 6 o'clock tonight. If only I would have taken a sip! I think it is easy for all of us to take for granted something as simple as being able to eat what you want without having to count carbs and calculate corrections and figure insulin and shots. I think it is easy for us and other students to look at children with diabetes and think that it is not so bad....because you don't see the storm inside of their bodies.
It takes my breath away!
It breaks my heart!
It makes me cry!
It makes me angry!
I want to scream!
It makes me doubt!
It makes me hurt!
It makes me sick!
It fills me with guilt!
And then I think- "It is what it is".....and I hurt some more.
** I also found out today that the principal at Kaci's school will not allow the Take Away stories to be attached to the School Walk folders. Breaks my heart, makes me cry, makes me angry, I want to scream, it makes me hurt, it makes me sick! -- and then, It is what it is.
We will still find a way to share her story. It is a story worth hearing. I am sad that the principal does not see that. I am sad that she is not willing to give these children a chance to share what they go through each and every day. **